Everything will be alright

Every night when we say goodbye,
I hope that you’ll be alright

I lie in bed and ponder what we’ve said,
the thoughts and feelings of you drifting through my head

I fall asleep to the sound of your voice,
and wake to the thought of your smile

I want so bad to feel your heart and soul close to me,
I want to be with you, hold on tight and never let go for all eternity

You make me feel like I know,
I’ve found something real

If I had but only one day with you or a million years alone,
I know that one day together would feel like forever,
I would risk it all to have just one chance

My sleepless nights are spent thinking about you,
the love we have, has turned out to be more than any imaginable,
more than a dream, more than a fairytale,
but all of reality

I should rise tired but feel more energized than ever before,
knowing we have each other

You help me make it through the day,
and handle everything that comes my way

What we have is something special and rare,
with nothing else that can compare

I have an everlasting smile on my face and spark in my heart,
caused by the sheer idea of us

I know my heart won’t lie,
when it comes to you and I

No measure of distance or obstacles given,
can ever keep us apart

Always know we are together holding hands on the beach,
talking all night, kissing and holding each other tight
Everytime I see you, everytime I talk to you, every time I feel you,
My heart continues melting

I’ll keep loving you,
as long I am living, breathing, being

Like a childhood crush,
pure bliss and excitement control me

Life’s greatest surprises are best filled when we are least expecting it, where we’d never vision possible, this has proven true with you

My heart has never been so filled and open since you came into my life,
you have healed it from the past pain

I don’t question us or how the future will go,
I can only put all my faith trusting it will be

What we have is too strong, too real to change,
only grow more close, more meaningful

Always in my thoughts, always in my heart,
this is just the beginning to no end

Making the Change

When I thought about who to interview for this project, my mom instantly came to mind. Not only because she is someone who I know so well, but more because I have personally seen her grow and transform in the past few years. I’ve actually witnessed the changes in her life and seen how it has affected her presence and spirit, truly enlightening and motivational. It is almost, like going through the stages in a learning process, watching her life journey to a new destination of happiness. Now after four years of being divorced she is stronger than ever before, physically, mentally and psychologically. She has finally learned to put herself first and follow her needs and wants, not just what others expect of her as she was living before. Her outlook and attitude towards life have been brightened and revamped, she has a new found passion emerging in every aspect. She has grown from the experiences and through that it has given her the idea of what she truly wants to make her happy and brought about what is really important. I will take a more personal and internal look into the focus of this interview, emphasizing how she grew through mind set, attitude and outlook of life. These results then in turn affect the details of her externally in all aspects of living through relationships, activities, job, family, friends, experiences and most importantly who she becomes along the construction of these foundations. A complete mind, body and spiritual transformation was made once she felt free and allowed herself to be altered in the direction of her desire.

She is a happier, healthier individual who is starting to enjoy the life she is given and living with no regrets. She is like a whole new person, trying new things, making more personal time, doing things she enjoys, spending time with friends and family, all of these new experiences have helped in her ‘healing’ process to become a happier person, excited for life. All of these factors contribute to the substance of a person, the qualities in life that we find important and meaningful to one another. With her making a commitment to fulfill these aspects in her life, she is taking care of her personal needs that will make her a happier person and this will also make her healthier and less stressed by feeling satisfied with her life in different approaches. Before she really felt as though she was trapped inside a situation, a prisoner of her own life. She became so caught up in the daily routine and so naturalized to this lifestyle, that she figured it was easier to continue on with it than try to change it, even though this is not what she wanted. She found it easier to do as she had been doing for all the previous years than to resist it. Telling herself to stick it through. She kept herself busy with the everyday life functions of work, raising kids, their activities and other distractions to take her away from the reality of her unhappiness or personal lifestyle choices. She was strictly living the motions of life as she understood them or as she was expected, but not actually living her chosen life. She put on a facade to ease her unhappiness and make others believe she was okay with this life. She explains it as, her spirit had been so suppressed that it went into protection mode. To protect herself from the affects of creating her own lifestyle and happiness, so it was easier to give in and follow the same path she had been on. When you go on for so long in this way of life, it becomes normal to you and you forget what it should be like to be happy. Stuck in our own lives, not knowing what else is out there.

Making a change can be hard and scary, not knowing what the results will be. But luckily she finally took the risk to get out of this trapped situation she was in and fight for something better. When my mother separated from my dad and slowly started to live ‘her life’, instantly she appeared as though a ton of bricks had been lifted off her shoulders, although she had a long way to go, this first stage of making the change was the beginning to a better life for her. In each stage of the healing process, she became a happier, healthier person learning more about herself along the way. This was a new feeling for her since she had never taken the time or commitment to make herself happy, only taking care of others. After 30 years in an unhealthy marriage, she had finally been freed and this ‘new life’ felt as if she was reborn with the strength and power to take on anything. She knew she was unhappy before, but until she experienced this ‘rebirth’ she saw it in its full extent, looking at what she was doing with herself, the pain, misery and torture she was putting herself through by being in constant control of someone else. She realized how unmotivated and depressed she truly was at that time for all those years, holding on to something that made her so unhappy. She was physically exhausted in a shut down mode, forgetting what it was like to be happy. She didn’t think about her personal needs being fulfilled or met until she was out of this relationship. She was rejuvenated with new feelings of happiness when she crawled out of this deep hole. Everything in her life began to change as she was getting closer to being healed psychologically and mentally. She started to ‘open’ and come alive, experiencing the new feelings escaping, becoming less stressed and living more freely. New relationships emerged, new feelings evoked and new experiences aroused. In the different relationships, she was reinforced with confidence after feeling lost and confined for so many years. It is the ones we surround ourselves with that make us happy, our network of comfort that make life worth living. This made old friendships better and created new ones. With each of these people she was able to learn more about her own self and form the base of what she ultimately wanted, what felt right. All of these new feelings allowed her to appreciate herself again and gave her a boost of self worth, to finally realize she deserves better and has so many amazing qualities to offer that no one again can ever make her believe otherwise. She is a bright, vibrant, caring, enthusiastic woman who anyone should be so lucky to have in their life. She gives so much to everyone else, making them happy but under estimates her own potential and strength.

She feared the unknown which made her hesitant, resistant and scared to take a risk. Not believing in herself or thinking she was strong enough to fight ‘the bullet’. Her escapism made everything become clear, there was no constant shut down and she was actually living. Once she was happy again, she noticed she was giving more to everything, it all became enriched and more clear to her. She was liberated to be up to the task of life again with more energy and motivation. She felt invigorated with the freedom and the courage to be true to herself.

She explains that when you are in a negative lifestyle or unhappy with your situation it will in turn cause negative thoughts and attitudes, making it harder to get out of the problem because the imagined results of change are also negative, so there is little hope for the positive or motivation to create the change. If we have a positive and open outlook with no expectations, it will be easier to achieve the desired result. When we strive for something or compare our lives to others, what we imagine is better, we will never be truly happy because our own will never measure up to the standards we fantasize, we will always want more. How we act is depicted by our outlook, attitude and lifestyle, we are what we think and how we think is what we will be. The outcome of our events are made by the preconceived notions of our judgements. Basically, reiterated by the idea that life really is what you make of it.

The most important thing I have learned from watching my mom’s transition is that we have to be selfish sometimes and follow our own desires and needs, because if we always do as others expect of us we will personally never be truly happy. In the time we find ourselves unhappy in our situations, we need to break free and make the change because life is too short to carry on in an unsatisfying lifestyle. As the saying goes, “only we can create our own happiness.” Which is so very true, we are the only ones who hold the power to change our lives, to fulfill our needs and wants. Happiness can’t be measured on a universal level, it is something we all individually strive for in our own ways. Happiness isn’t a state or level to achieve but comes at best when we least expect it, comes by surprise and the little things bring upon the most joy. There are different factors of happiness for everyone and until we achieve those factors in our life we will never be happy. It is easy to follow the motions of life and do as we are ‘expected’ but to truly live ‘our’ lives and our ‘happiness’ it takes effort to stay on course. Just as my mom, she felt so pressured into living ‘this’ life, the life that was expected of her, that she lost sight of what she wanted. The best investment we can make is to our own lives, so don’t be scared to try something new or go against the image or stereotype of what we should do or how we should live.

Feels So Right

Feels So Right

As things come and go with many uncertainties of tomorrow, the future,
there is one thing I know is for sure, one true thing I know will last forever.
You’re the one I need, the one I believe,
I can promise I will never leave.

With time passing by so fast,
I look back and wonder where the weeks go,
but the days seem to drag on so slow without you here,
in the moment life is incomplete.

I never loved someone so much,
I never knew I could love this much.
Lost the thought of finding someone until you came along,
everywhere I go, everything I do is with you, about us.

All my life to hold my hand through it all, to fill my promises,
a gift of life, of love to give purpose, hope and meaning.
Everyday I feel it all over and over again,
will never have to pretend.

We’ve found our way into something that was lost,
something that was gone or given up on,
with our borders up, to protect ourselves,
now it is only us that can protect each other.

Half a world away in distance,
in each other’s hearts it will be okay.
Honey, it is late I just need to hold you, be with you,
when will we be home to see it through?

Lonely nights are what kill me,
feeling lost in your arms to set me free,
softly whispering how I love you,
is where I want to be.

I want to be the one you come to when your days are gray,
to brighten the ray.
The one you come to when life is all good,
because I always believed you could.

Always there for you in thick and thin, good and bad,
to provide an outlet when life gets sad.
When things are tough and the day is over,
we know we will at least have each other.
Time won’t change how I feel,
these feelings are too real.
Everyday that passes, every year that is gone,
it can only grow more intoxicating, more powerful.

Only you can make me love this strong,
give me a reason, the motivation for this feeling.
You are always in my heart,
always on my mind.

To hear you in the morning is a fresh start to my day,
would never want it any other way.
Waking to your body, watching you sleep,
so peaceful, so natural.

It hurts so bad to be away, it’s not fair,
but the pain goes far away,
when I believe in what we have,
knowing that everyday is closer to you.

Falling into our time with your arms wrapped around me,
I couldn’t want anything more, I am alive!
All my other dreams don’t seem so important,
compared to the life that you fulfill in me.

Learning to unite our lives, become one
through the struggles,
making the compromises,
baby it will be okay.

I want to know what makes you happy,
what makes you hurt,
and do my best to make it all you imagine,
all you believe this can be.

Watch you while you sleep,
feeling your heart beating against my head,
with every breath you take,
I love you as you are.

Now I know I need you,
more than a feeling inside,
I am no longer alone, apart of you will live in me,
for all eternity.

This is where we belong,
raising a family,
growing old together,
ageing in our time, with only you.

I imagine it now and completely trust the thoughts,
just feels so right, feels so comfortable,
never fighting the urge of what seems real, what feels perfect
it’s simple, so simple.

I love our conversations when we talk about everything,
when we talk about nothing,
laughing at each other,
just being me, just being you.

It wasn’t a dream when I woke up and had you there,
from being so independent,
I am now relying on your love,
dependent on everything you do to me.

I can get use to this,
can’t imagine life without you now,
of never thinking of forever,
to all I know and want.

We are meant to be together,
we belong to each other,
when we say forever,
it is true.

FaTe

Are we really destined for fate, is there that one person we are meant to be with? How do we truly know when it is right? Is it the feeling of being on top of the world and living every moment for them? Or is it just the longing of being wanted and loved? Why is it that we can go so long loving the wrong person or a lifetime looking for that special someone we want to share our life with and never find? Then there are those who have found someone so great and perfect, but they don’t realize it or know what they had until they lose it and let it go. Always wondering what else is out there, that maybe it might be better. Some people search forever for that feeling of true love and passion. Do we leave it up to chance or is it a choice? Love can be found when you are least looking and where you’d least expect it.

In the Beginning

In the beginning I imagine things were easier. People lived simpler lifestyles and enjoyed the little things. It wasn’t about the house you had, the car you drove or the clothes you wore but about who you were. Not about comparing materialism and success, but enjoying the company of one another and the time shared with them. People cared about each other and made an effort to get involved in their lives, not only out for their own good. Helping one another out when times got tough was an instinct not a favor. Things weren’t done for the fame, fortune or acknowledgment but from the goodness within. Values and morals stood strong and abundant. People were happy about who they truly were, not creating a facade to believe they were somebody else. People were praised and idolized for being real life heroes and role models, doing great things to contribute the world, not for having money or status. People actually had time to spend with their families, not just consumed by work. People didn’t fly by with everywhere to go and nowhere to hide, but were able to slow down and take it all in. Chaos and commitments weren’t controlling lives. Technology didn’t take over and people actually communicated on a personal level. Stories and traditions were passed down through the generations, not DVDs. People entertained one another, not i-pods and wii’s. Family dinners were home cooked, not fast food. Families stayed together, not in different states. Reputations were something to be proud of, not something to give up on. Kids actually played outside, not zoned out in front of a TV or video game. Parents felt safe letting their children out in public not worried that they may go missing, get hurt, raped or killed. Houses were left unlocked, trusting their neighbors, never thinking about criminals, intruders or thieves. Sunday was a day of rest and religion, not another day to get things done. School was a place to learn, not buy drugs. People read books, not computer screens. People were living off of cash, not credit. Being in debt wasn’t the norm. Sex was for married couples, not kids. Assuming innocent until proven guilty, not guilty until proven innocent. Punishment was brutal but lessons were learned. You did the crime, you paid the price. People had to work hard for what they had. Welfare and government assistance wasn’t available. Families bought houses, not struggling to pay rent. The ratio of births to deaths each year was relatively equal, not uncomparable. News was of actual importance, not celebrity gossip. Outer image didn’t distract from inner beauty.

Sure a lot of things have changed for the better from previous eras. Segregation, healthcare, technology, education and globalization. As the days go bye, the weeks pass on and the years turn into generations, everything transforms. When the times change, so do the people and so does society. Is it for the better or is it only getting worse?