Personal Interview

“It was exactly what I had been wanting.” She had it all at the time. Well, at least everything she thought she wanted. What she had been working hard to achieve for so many years. It had finally arrived, she was excited to explore and experience this next stage of her life. Her path was set with everything she had dreamed of. It sounded like a perfect situation to be in with the world at her fingertips and nothing to hold her back.

Between early morning practices, evening workouts and weekend weight training, sports were her life at the time. Overlooking the sore and tired body it was the best thing for her. As fulfilling and glorifying as it was for her team to win League Champions in basketball or make it to Nationals in track, it wasn’t about the competitions, but about what she personally gained along the way. It was more valuable than any lesson learned in a textbook or a class, but the personal journey she followed. What she learned and experienced in every moment, the obstacles she battled through and the successes she achieved. It all instilled values, traits and work ethics that will forever trail her in every situation she encounters. It is where she made her best friends, most memorable memories, priceless skills and most of all it is where she found herself. It is what has shaped who she is today. The involvement and support that sports provided in her life, is what helped her survive in what can be a rough and intimidating world, full of pressure and influences. A place where it is essential to have an outlet or group of friends to help make the years easier. Or else you become a lost soul in the cruel tangle of High School. The hard work, dedication and desire to succeed ingrained by coaches and teammates made her even more passionate towards her aspirations. The long, hard, exhausting hours of practices and training proved well worth it when the day came for her to sign the letter of intent to compete for Div. 1 UC Irvine. The numerous Saturdays spent taking the SAT to increase her score for acceptance seemed like a small sacrifice to make for a dream come true.

“I was nervous and excited for the change and next step in my life.” The day had arrived for her to break away from her safety zone and step into a world of unknown. A world where she had imagined being so wonderful in a place she felt would be so comfortable.

Before long, the picture she had painted in her head, turned out to be far from the reality she was facing. She felt lost in the thousands of students, lost in the big city, lost her love of the sport, lost in her own body. Feeling so far from the hometown and lifestyle she was raised in. Wanting to resort back to the days when everything was natural and instinctive, where things felt right. But not wanting to completely give up on the idea of a new environment and experience. Not wanting to sell it short or give it a full opportunity to be fulfilling. Not to say she didn't gain anything from her time in this place that felt so supernatural, so far from what she imagined. She built lifelong friendships, learned valuable lessons, made lasting memories, and realized what she truly wanted for herself. She didn't want to look back at what is said to be the "best years of one's life" with any regrets. It was something that couldn’t be returned, once it was gone it would be lost eternally and all that would remain are the memories.

It was this time in her life, where she finally gained the courage and strength to go against what everyone else expected of her and change her course. This was one of the hardest challenges and decisions for her to overcome. Being the passive, easy going, people pleaser she had always been known as. Her head was leading her toward the path of logical persuasion to suck it up and pull through. While her instincts were guiding her in the direction of what her heart wanted. Deep down she knew she needed to pursue her emotions and break free to a better place. She knew that only she had the power to create her own happiness, it was her life and she could do what she wanted with it. As incredibly hard and stressful as it was to leave this place, she knew it had to be done or she would forever hold a grudge against herself. She could have continued on with it, day in and day out living a facade that she was content, but she didn't want to live a lie. She had seen it happen to too many others around her, going on with the actions of life, but not actually living or experiencing it. Often times people get so caught up in their daily monotonous routines that before they know it, years have passed and they don't even know who or what they are anymore. They do what they think they "should" be doing, become who they think they "should" be, but not actually living for what they want. We thrive off of what other people think of us and the image we posses that we totally forget about ourselves and our feelings of self worth.

She constantly questioned her intentions and judgments; often times trying to justify and create irrational reasons as to why she should stay. Trying to make believe that her portrait of this new place and new milestone she had created in her head was too much of a dream, from any possible reality. Thinking it wasn’t as bad as she made it seem and talking herself out of the truth, to make it feel right. Telling herself she could survive just three more years, that it is a short time when looking at her whole life. That it will be all be fine when she is done, she can't do any better than where she was. Even though all along she knew it wasn't where she was supposed to be. It wasn't where she felt at home but rather the idea of where she thought she was supposed to be. Where she felt it was expected of her to be. After all the hard work it took to get to this place and investing so much expectancy to just be disappointed in the process. With so much blessed to her, to just throw it all away seemed irrational, stupid. She felt as though she was not only letting herself down, but her teammates, coaches, and family. Saying goodbye to all of that, closing the door on it was tough but it opened a new door to places and things that non existent before. It actually proved easier than expected to transition to a new world, because it was where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do. The people that mattered supported her decision. Leaving actuality behind, but carrying the experience along with her as she ventured into another unknown made her truly see that to be at peace with others and everything that surrounds us, we have to be at peace with ourselves.

She gained the greatest wisdom of all knowing it wasn’t about the scholarship, the school, the people, the sport. It was about understanding herself and her own personal desires. If you're not happy than recognize change needs to be made. No matter how hard it is or how much has already been invested, it will be worth it in the end. It may take a while until you find where you are destined to be, but it is a short time in retrospect to a lifetime wasted. The worst thing is to look back at your life with regrets. Everything, every obstacle or triumph along our travels happens for a reason. Sometimes to reinforce what we already know, other times to teach us a lesson. This experience taught her to trust her instincts and it reinforced that her heart will guide in the right direction. We have no one else to blame but ourselves for how our lives pan out. Never become a prisoner of your own circumstance or feel confined at where you're at. We are free at any time.