Making the Change

When I thought about who to interview for this project, my mom instantly came to mind. Not only because she is someone who I know so well, but more because I have personally seen her grow and transform in the past few years. I’ve actually witnessed the changes in her life and seen how it has affected her presence and spirit, truly enlightening and motivational. It is almost, like going through the stages in a learning process, watching her life journey to a new destination of happiness. Now after four years of being divorced she is stronger than ever before, physically, mentally and psychologically. She has finally learned to put herself first and follow her needs and wants, not just what others expect of her as she was living before. Her outlook and attitude towards life have been brightened and revamped, she has a new found passion emerging in every aspect. She has grown from the experiences and through that it has given her the idea of what she truly wants to make her happy and brought about what is really important. I will take a more personal and internal look into the focus of this interview, emphasizing how she grew through mind set, attitude and outlook of life. These results then in turn affect the details of her externally in all aspects of living through relationships, activities, job, family, friends, experiences and most importantly who she becomes along the construction of these foundations. A complete mind, body and spiritual transformation was made once she felt free and allowed herself to be altered in the direction of her desire.

She is a happier, healthier individual who is starting to enjoy the life she is given and living with no regrets. She is like a whole new person, trying new things, making more personal time, doing things she enjoys, spending time with friends and family, all of these new experiences have helped in her ‘healing’ process to become a happier person, excited for life. All of these factors contribute to the substance of a person, the qualities in life that we find important and meaningful to one another. With her making a commitment to fulfill these aspects in her life, she is taking care of her personal needs that will make her a happier person and this will also make her healthier and less stressed by feeling satisfied with her life in different approaches. Before she really felt as though she was trapped inside a situation, a prisoner of her own life. She became so caught up in the daily routine and so naturalized to this lifestyle, that she figured it was easier to continue on with it than try to change it, even though this is not what she wanted. She found it easier to do as she had been doing for all the previous years than to resist it. Telling herself to stick it through. She kept herself busy with the everyday life functions of work, raising kids, their activities and other distractions to take her away from the reality of her unhappiness or personal lifestyle choices. She was strictly living the motions of life as she understood them or as she was expected, but not actually living her chosen life. She put on a facade to ease her unhappiness and make others believe she was okay with this life. She explains it as, her spirit had been so suppressed that it went into protection mode. To protect herself from the affects of creating her own lifestyle and happiness, so it was easier to give in and follow the same path she had been on. When you go on for so long in this way of life, it becomes normal to you and you forget what it should be like to be happy. Stuck in our own lives, not knowing what else is out there.

Making a change can be hard and scary, not knowing what the results will be. But luckily she finally took the risk to get out of this trapped situation she was in and fight for something better. When my mother separated from my dad and slowly started to live ‘her life’, instantly she appeared as though a ton of bricks had been lifted off her shoulders, although she had a long way to go, this first stage of making the change was the beginning to a better life for her. In each stage of the healing process, she became a happier, healthier person learning more about herself along the way. This was a new feeling for her since she had never taken the time or commitment to make herself happy, only taking care of others. After 30 years in an unhealthy marriage, she had finally been freed and this ‘new life’ felt as if she was reborn with the strength and power to take on anything. She knew she was unhappy before, but until she experienced this ‘rebirth’ she saw it in its full extent, looking at what she was doing with herself, the pain, misery and torture she was putting herself through by being in constant control of someone else. She realized how unmotivated and depressed she truly was at that time for all those years, holding on to something that made her so unhappy. She was physically exhausted in a shut down mode, forgetting what it was like to be happy. She didn’t think about her personal needs being fulfilled or met until she was out of this relationship. She was rejuvenated with new feelings of happiness when she crawled out of this deep hole. Everything in her life began to change as she was getting closer to being healed psychologically and mentally. She started to ‘open’ and come alive, experiencing the new feelings escaping, becoming less stressed and living more freely. New relationships emerged, new feelings evoked and new experiences aroused. In the different relationships, she was reinforced with confidence after feeling lost and confined for so many years. It is the ones we surround ourselves with that make us happy, our network of comfort that make life worth living. This made old friendships better and created new ones. With each of these people she was able to learn more about her own self and form the base of what she ultimately wanted, what felt right. All of these new feelings allowed her to appreciate herself again and gave her a boost of self worth, to finally realize she deserves better and has so many amazing qualities to offer that no one again can ever make her believe otherwise. She is a bright, vibrant, caring, enthusiastic woman who anyone should be so lucky to have in their life. She gives so much to everyone else, making them happy but under estimates her own potential and strength.

She feared the unknown which made her hesitant, resistant and scared to take a risk. Not believing in herself or thinking she was strong enough to fight ‘the bullet’. Her escapism made everything become clear, there was no constant shut down and she was actually living. Once she was happy again, she noticed she was giving more to everything, it all became enriched and more clear to her. She was liberated to be up to the task of life again with more energy and motivation. She felt invigorated with the freedom and the courage to be true to herself.

She explains that when you are in a negative lifestyle or unhappy with your situation it will in turn cause negative thoughts and attitudes, making it harder to get out of the problem because the imagined results of change are also negative, so there is little hope for the positive or motivation to create the change. If we have a positive and open outlook with no expectations, it will be easier to achieve the desired result. When we strive for something or compare our lives to others, what we imagine is better, we will never be truly happy because our own will never measure up to the standards we fantasize, we will always want more. How we act is depicted by our outlook, attitude and lifestyle, we are what we think and how we think is what we will be. The outcome of our events are made by the preconceived notions of our judgements. Basically, reiterated by the idea that life really is what you make of it.

The most important thing I have learned from watching my mom’s transition is that we have to be selfish sometimes and follow our own desires and needs, because if we always do as others expect of us we will personally never be truly happy. In the time we find ourselves unhappy in our situations, we need to break free and make the change because life is too short to carry on in an unsatisfying lifestyle. As the saying goes, “only we can create our own happiness.” Which is so very true, we are the only ones who hold the power to change our lives, to fulfill our needs and wants. Happiness can’t be measured on a universal level, it is something we all individually strive for in our own ways. Happiness isn’t a state or level to achieve but comes at best when we least expect it, comes by surprise and the little things bring upon the most joy. There are different factors of happiness for everyone and until we achieve those factors in our life we will never be happy. It is easy to follow the motions of life and do as we are ‘expected’ but to truly live ‘our’ lives and our ‘happiness’ it takes effort to stay on course. Just as my mom, she felt so pressured into living ‘this’ life, the life that was expected of her, that she lost sight of what she wanted. The best investment we can make is to our own lives, so don’t be scared to try something new or go against the image or stereotype of what we should do or how we should live.